It Was a Monster. It Was Alive.

the genuine artifice


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Reblogged from beatonna
beatonna:

I’m sorry about your gigantic hips, love, the 90s
also rompers 

This was my today. I wore my new romper, which Marc sized up and assessed as “a dress…but with a crotch”. I still wore it, with leggings and tall boots because I felt like a fencing instructor.

beatonna:

I’m sorry about your gigantic hips, love, the 90s

also rompers 

This was my today. I wore my new romper, which Marc sized up and assessed as “a dress…but with a crotch”. I still wore it, with leggings and tall boots because I felt like a fencing instructor.

I was trying to take a good photo of my new glasses. There is a function on my phone that takes these kind of periphery photos around the actual shot. I didn’t delete them, so Picasa put them together in a little video, I assume as a passive-aggressive way to tell me that I take too many photos of myself. “You’d get other types of videos,” Picasa says, “if you gave me something else to work with”.

I was trying to take a good photo of my new glasses. There is a function on my phone that takes these kind of periphery photos around the actual shot. I didn’t delete them, so Picasa put them together in a little video, I assume as a passive-aggressive way to tell me that I take too many photos of myself. “You’d get other types of videos,” Picasa says, “if you gave me something else to work with”.

Reblogged from wrongywrongerson

wrongywrongerson:

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy President’s Day, everyone!

This season is actually just a casting call for different biopics. Like David Foster Wallace here.

This season is actually just a casting call for different biopics. Like David Foster Wallace here.

Don’t let the name fool you. Justin Vernon is totally competing in this season of Face Off.

Don’t let the name fool you. Justin Vernon is totally competing in this season of Face Off.

outpost31 said: This is probably too little too late, but use one half of the egg shell to fish out the piece. It’s the easiest way to do it. They’re kind of drawn to each other. It’s weird, but it works.

It’s too late for this instance, but boy is it handy for the next inevitable time I do that. Thanks!

Is there any finer form of madness than trying to fish a piece of shell out of the bowl into which you’ve cracked an egg?

If ever you mock your parents or grandparents for making silly mistakes on Facebook, think of the time when I almost made a status update out of wishing a friend happy birthday because I don’t know how to write on someone’s wall from my phone.

I chose a color almost identical to my skin tone and painted a matte top coat over it. Now I have mannequin hands.

I chose a color almost identical to my skin tone and painted a matte top coat over it. Now I have mannequin hands.

I found a box of mixtapes in the basement and have been listening to them all night. The iffy sound quality and rattle of the unspooling reel in our stereo only add to their charm. Compiling these used to be a kind of science for me, guys. I timed them perfectly for maximum use of space, tried to transition beginnings from soundalike endings and treated side breaks like intermissions. In short, I was pretentious. Hello.

I found a box of mixtapes in the basement and have been listening to them all night. The iffy sound quality and rattle of the unspooling reel in our stereo only add to their charm. Compiling these used to be a kind of science for me, guys. I timed them perfectly for maximum use of space, tried to transition beginnings from soundalike endings and treated side breaks like intermissions. In short, I was pretentious. Hello.

And then he blew his fingers off with mystery bottle rockets from under the sink.

And then he blew his fingers off with mystery bottle rockets from under the sink.

While I found The Wolf of Wall St. to be a very effective anti-drug PSA, it did give me insights into how I might have been using the wrong approach to drinking.

When he visits me, Marc is surprised at how frequently police and ambulance sirens can be heard in this neighborhood. I tell him it’s a sign of how safe it is here, that it’s the sound of justice being served and emergencies tended to.

Earlier this month, a pizza place not five minutes from Tobias’s house told us that they didn’t deliver here (and this is a direct quote) “because of the crime”. They made a one-time exception and the delivery guy arrived unscathed.

This morning, I left Marc’s apartment to find shards of glass scattered across the front seats of my car and the business card of a city police officer tucked under the windshield with “call me about your vehicle” written on the back. A rash of break-ins was reported in the area and mine was the last car attacked before the suspect was startled and had absconded. The front passenger-side window is gone. Marc fashioned a makeshift plastic one until it can be replaced. He’s a mensch and would have done it even if it were my fault, but felt terrible that this happened where he lives. Reflecting on it hours later, I feel inappropriately smug.

Where’s “the crime” now?

After an evening of using my front-facing camera too much, I was a little disappointed when my reflection in the mirror wasn’t on a delay. Then relieved because that would be a horror film.

I fashioned these myself and tied them to most of the gifts I wrapped. Marc didn’t want to destroy his, so he slid it off intact for me to keep. I don’t have Pinterest, guys. This is as much as I can brag about my craftiness on the Internet.

I fashioned these myself and tied them to most of the gifts I wrapped. Marc didn’t want to destroy his, so he slid it off intact for me to keep. I don’t have Pinterest, guys. This is as much as I can brag about my craftiness on the Internet.