It Was a Monster. It Was Alive.

the genuine artifice


Neon Lights, Hidden Messages   Submit

I was too busy yesterday to announce that I obtained a new car. And boy, is it A LOT of car. I’m not accustomed to the features that people now expect from vehicles, given that I was previously the pilot of a car with manual windows/locks, an air conditioning system that has been out of commission for more than three years, and that garnered me attention in public only because of how loud it was. I feel like I’m driving a computer now and it’s definitely going to be more fun for any passengers than it is for me if I intend to stay out of collisions.

This is going to take some getting used to.

Today’s the day I try to buy a new car.

Not new-new, just newer than mine.

Everyone has been commending me for the amount of research I did, both about the vehicle I have in mind and the act of negotiating. I look at it as just a part of the purchasing process. As someone who works in sales and hates selling, I like to be the consumer to whom other salespeople don’t have to or can’t sell. Maybe that’s not fair to the salespeople who love to sell or have a commission goal in mind, but I’ll lose my nerve if I start to consider how an important decision that impacts the next five years of my life relates to thirty minutes of someone else’s time.

Wish me luck, guys?

This weekend, I saw an albino squirrel at Goodale Park in Columbus. Can’t believe I forgot to mention that.

This weekend, I saw an albino squirrel at Goodale Park in Columbus. Can’t believe I forgot to mention that.

I forgot to tell you guys that I finally caved last week and am trying ombre hair. I don’t know why I say “trying” because it’s only going away when I cut the hairs to which it’s bonded. Everyone hasn’t noticed easily, which I think is a good thing because I was going for subtle. I like it. I’m happy. It’s nice.

Did anyone else spend the opening credits of Godzilla trying to read what was redacted before it disappeared?

Was I supposed to want to read that, or was it just a neat effect?

Reblogged from hauntedwithcompany

It’s just what I wanted to hear tonight, you know?

Open Letter to My Neighborhood

I wasn’t screaming about your fireworks. I was screaming about the dead rat on our sidewalk.

Please don’t laugh at me. I’m sensitive.

Who is “bub”? WHAT is “bub”? This is brain-bending.

Who is “bub”? WHAT is “bub”? This is brain-bending.

When Tobias and I were younger, little dude had an anthology of zombie stories. I’m afraid of zombies (LOOK, I KNOW), so the cover really upset me. In a more neurotic, completely nonsense way, I was also scared of the (WHOLLY IMPOSSIBLE) idea that the book might come to life. After awhile, Tobias gave the book away to one of our friends and I felt better.

Flash-forward several years: I recently made the mistake of telling Marc about Afterlife with Archie. He just bought the first five issues. I’m not sure if that alone upsets me, as much as the possibility that he won’t get that it’s not intended to be funny.

My first D&D Night. I’m worried that this is going to be like The Sims and I’ll have more fun building characters than actually playing the game.

My first D&D Night. I’m worried that this is going to be like The Sims and I’ll have more fun building characters than actually playing the game.

If ever you are required to give a presentation to corporate employees on the looming threat of unions and why they shouldn’t join one, I suggest screening Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight and looking pointedly at everyone during the credits.

It’s really the same message.

Sometimes I think that Dustin Hoffman intentionally attempts to confound lip readers.

There are way more effective ways to do it, but this is how I learn new songs. It may explain why I only know three so far after being at this for months.

There are way more effective ways to do it, but this is how I learn new songs. It may explain why I only know three so far after being at this for months.

Lest this become a cat blog, I’m only going to post this sort of thing once.

Here are the boys- Horace (pictured first and yawning) and Jellytax. We adopted them on Tuesday and they wasted no time acclimating to their new home. I’m pretty sure I love them already.

Maybe it doesn’t seem that ambitious, but I have wanted for a long time now to play Simon and Garfunkel records on a Sunday morning, preferably with rain falling quietly from dark grey skies.

Even though today is sunny, I still feel like I realized my little dream by finally buying a turntable. It sounds wonderful and fits perfectly in the spot that I don’t think I would have had if I didn’t have to tidy up for cats.

These guys will never know what they started. Because they are cats.

Maybe it doesn’t seem that ambitious, but I have wanted for a long time now to play Simon and Garfunkel records on a Sunday morning, preferably with rain falling quietly from dark grey skies.

Even though today is sunny, I still feel like I realized my little dream by finally buying a turntable. It sounds wonderful and fits perfectly in the spot that I don’t think I would have had if I didn’t have to tidy up for cats.

These guys will never know what they started. Because they are cats.